Did You Ever Love Me, Mother?
by shegoismyfav
Summary: Rapunzel's hair was not cut and Gothel was taken prisoner. Rapunzel goes down to the dungeons to set things right and ask her a very important question. A question that if answered correctly could save her life.
1. Chapter 1

It was cold down in the dungeons, and Rapunzel shivered as they went deeper underground. Further and further they traveled until every drop of sunlight was snuffed out. Out of habit, she wrapped some of her hair around her body as she usually did when she was afraid. Before long, a cell came into view. The woman inside sat with her back to the bars, and appeared to be curled in on herself.

"Halt!" she called to the guards who had escorted her.

"But your Highness, our instructions were-"

"I don't care. You will obey my orders at the present moment in time."

"Yes, your Highness."

"Thank you. Go back and wait on the upper level. I'll join you when I'm through here."

"Yes, your Highness."

They bowed and were gone. Taking a deep fortifying breath, the young princess approached the prisoner. She didn't turn at the sound of footsteps, opting to keep her face hidden. Rapunzel sighed and sat down beside the bars.

"Hello, Mother."

"Rapunzel," the woman responded, though it was devoid of emotion.

She should hate her. This was the woman who had kidnapped her, kept her hidden, and lied to her for eighteen years. But she was also Mother. Mother, who had comforted her when she was scared. Mother, who had made long journeys for paint just to keep her happy.

Mother, who knew her better than anyone else. She sighed again, feeling a headache coming on at the surge of conflicting emotions. She turned and slumped against the bars and could just feel the older woman's back press against her own.

"Mother, please turn around."

She heard shuffling and chains clinking. She winced at the sound, but knew it was better than the alternative. When the silence had resumed, she turned her own body to face the woman. They stared at each other for several minutes, silvery gray locked on green. Gothel was the first to break eye contact.

"What do you want, Rapunzel?"

"I just wanted to see you."

"Why is that? You have your dream life upstairs. And I'm not part of it. I'm simply waiting to die."

She looked angry, but at the same time resigned to her fate. She shivered in the cool air and for the first time the young woman noticed the thin gray dress she was wearing. It was nowhere near thick enough to block out the chilly air. Without thinking twice, she reached through the bars and took one of the older woman's hands between her own, wincing at how cold it was. She began massaging it, hoping to get some warmth back into the appendage.

The older woman sighed as feeling began to return to her right hand. She slid a little closer to the barrier that separated her from the girl she had looked after for nearly twenty years. Despite her approach to parenting, she did love the girl. She had tried hard to show it throughout the years, teaching her to read, paint and sing. But she had failed in the long run, and look where she ended up because of her selfishness.

All this trouble for a flower to keep her young. Her vanity had been her downfall, just as her own mother had warned centuries ago. She had aged in the time she had been prisoner. Not to the old hag she despised, but to an appearance of her late forties or early fifties. She had caught sight of herself in one of the puddles in the floor of her cell and had kept her eyes closed ever since.

She shivered again as another gust of cold air swept across her body. Rapunzel tensed and froze for a split second before reaching down the bodice of her dress. The older woman watched in fascination as a key was revealed.

"Is that?" she asked, a weak flame of hope beginning to burn in her chest. Perhaps the girl didn't hate her after all.

Rapunzel nodded and signaled for her to keep quiet. The key fit smoothly into the lock and turned with ease. She slowly coaxed the door open, careful not to let the hinges squeak. Once there was an opening wide enough for her to fit through, she eased inside the cell and shut the door behind her. She sat beside the older woman, and after a few seconds, hesitantly wrapped her arms around her. Gothel sighed at the warmth that enveloped her, the first she had felt since being "escorted" to the cell.

Rapunzel gasped at the feeling of the older woman's skin.

"You're ice cold!"

"They don't exactly provide luxuries when you're being held prisoner," Gothel replied drily.

She tucked her body into a tighter ball, and it wasn't long before she felt the girl's hair being spread across her. It provided a little warmth, and her mind went back to a time when Rapunzel had been a little girl and they had to do the same thing because they ran out of firewood. Rapunzel bit her lip, worried for the woman. She had come here to straighten things out, not keep her from freezing to death. She chewed her lip, sighed, and decided to get it over with.

"Mother," she felt the older woman relax at the familiarity, "did you ever love me?"

The older woman tensed and struggled to sit up, but found she couldn't manage it. What to say? Of course she loved her, but would she believe her? Probably not, but she would try.

"Yes, very much. But I must admit, it took a while for me to realize it."

"Why?"

"Because I didn't want a child." She sighed. "In the beginning you were so fussy. I couldn't keep you quiet for more than a few minutes at a time. It annoyed and frightened me. I was afraid the royal guards would hear your wails and find the tower.

"I had almost decided to give you back because I couldn't stand the crying when it happened. You grew silent and just stared at me. It was unnerving at first, how critically you were looking at me, almost as if you knew I wasn't actually your mother. But then you smiled and laughed, and I felt something happen. I still can't describe it, but after that it was easier to tolerate you.

"And then, as you got older, you became very affectionate. Always giving hugs and kisses or wanting to snuggle." A soft smile crossed her face as she recalled the early years, years before the girl had discovered the lanterns. "And one day, you looked at me and called me mama. I knew then that I loved you, and if I cared to admit it had probably loved you even before that."

She fell silent and for a while Rapunzel didn't ask any questions. They were each in their own world, absorbed in their own thoughts. Rapunzel looked down at a small movement from Gothel. It came again, and the Princess finally understood what it was. The woman was sneezing, no surprise considering her surroundings.

"Okay, come on. We're going upstairs."

"I can't. Unless you've forgotten, I'm a prisoner. This is where I live...at least until I'm hanged."

She turned her head and sneezed again, but the Princess pulled her up anyway. She turned to exit the cell, forgetting that the older woman was chained. She got as far as the bars before the chains jerked them both back.

"You see?" the older woman asked with a sad smile. "Even if I wanted to leave your parents have made absolutely sure I can't."

Rapunzel looked long and hard at the chains and then at the key she held. With a steadiness that suggested triumph, she inserted the key into the lock of the chains. It slid in smoothly and turned easily. The cuffs fell open, and Gothel quickly brought her hands to her body. She cradled her bruised wrists close, not hesitating in following they Princess out of the cell and up the stairs.

The guards immediately drew their swords when they saw her, but Rapunzel stepped in front of her.

"No! Put away your weapons! She has my permission to be out of her cell."

"But your Highness, she is to be hanged for-"

"No, she is not. I have spoken with my parents and convinced them a life sentence was preferable. She is to be moved to a cell on the uppermost floor and she is to be treated with the utmost respect. Am I clear?"

"Yes, Highness."

"You will escort us to her new cell."

The guards turned to carry out their orders and Gothel held Rapunzel back. She turned a confused eye on her, but the older woman waited until the guards were out of hearing range before speaking her mind.

"You spoke to the king and queen? I'm not going to die?"

"Well, spoke is such a loose term..."

"You lied?"

"Not exactly. You are going to serve a life sentence, but I didn't speak to them. It was more like I sobbed and begged them not to have you hanged."

"Why would you do that? After all I did to you."

Rapunzel sighed heavily, trying to choose the easiest way to explain it her.

"Because, for all the lies you've ever told me, all the irrational fears you put into my head, and all the horrible insults to diminish my self-esteem, there were good things. The hazelnut soup, the cuddles when I was younger and the hugs when I was older, the paints. The list goes on and on. For every horrible thing you ever said to me, you said or did something kind. And, you know me better than anyone in this castle will ever hope to. In short-you're still my mother."

Gothel was shocked, so much so that Rapunzel had to take her hand and guide her up the several flights of stairs to ground level where her new cell was. She was still stunned as the Princess gently sat her on her bed and sang to her to make her young. She didn't even feel herself grow young. It wasn't until the Princess was about to leave that she snapped out of it.

"Wait!" she called desperately.

Rapunzel paused and the guards looked at her anxiously. She waved them away, signaling it would be fine to leave her alone with the prisoner. She turned to face the woman.

"What, Mother?"

She opened her arms and held her breath, just hoping that their relationship wasn't past repair. Rapunzel looked from her face to her arms, debating and wondering. It had been so long since she'd had a proper hug, or at least one that didn't feel awkward. Gothel began to grow nervous when the girl didn't move, and her arms began to lower. Seeing this, the Princess quickly ran into her arms.

The hold was familiar and comfortable, not at all like the smothering hugs she got from her real mother or the stiff hugs from her father. She inhaled deeply, relaxing when she smelled the familiar scent of forest and roses that always seemed to engulf the older woman. It felt good to have that normalcy, and neither woman could deny how _right_ it felt.

"I love you," Gothel whispered into the mane of blonde hair.

"I love you more," came the reply muffled into her shoulder.

"I love you most."

And for the first time, Rapunzel wholeheartedly believed it.

**AN: Well, what did you think? I feel like I could continue this and maybe add in how the queen feels about their new life-long prisoner and her relationship with her daughter. If I get enough positive reviews I'll continue it, so be sure to tell me! **


	2. Chapter 2

Rapunzel was reluctant to move from the comforting embrace. Gothel wasn't pushing her away as she normally did so she was content to stay. She had many questions for her mother, and decided to put the time to good use.

"Mother, is my name really Rapunzel or did you name me that?"

"Of course it's your name. The queen had just named you that day. You were eight days old when I took you. The lantern ceremony had just finished up, and everyone was drifting toward their homes. I slipped in with a group of palace workers and when the time came I split off to wait under the bedroom window.

"The lights went out, and I waited until I was sure they were asleep. I climbed the trellis and entered the bedchamber. I went to the crib, sang the song, and tried to cut a piece of hair. I didn't want you, I just wanted the hair. Unfortunately, it turned brown and lost its power.

"That's when I took you. As soon as I had you in my arms you began to cry. It woke the king and queen, and they caught a glimpse of me as I went back out the window."

Rapunzel thought the answer over for a bit before asking her next question. She voiced it shyly, unsure of her reaction.

"Mother, have you ever been in love?"

Gothel tensed and Rapunzel knew she had hit a nerve.

"Yes," she breathed quietly.

Rapunzel lifted her head from her shoulder to look her in the eye. She was surprised at what she saw there. Her mother's eyes were glazed with tears, and she was as still as a statue. She was worried she may have pushed too hard, but then Gothel began to speak.

"His name was Jonathan. He worked as a stable hand for my father. I didn't notice him at first, other than to shoo him away when he followed me, which was all the time. I was only eighteen. I didn't want a husband. At least, I thought I didn't.

"He was always so kind to me, and one day I realized that maybe he wasn't so annoying, maybe he was actually handsome." She smiled, even as a tear ran down her face. "He began courting me, and after a while, I discovered I was with child...his child. We were engaged and ready to be married. The wedding was supposed to be held in a week.

"But then the accident happened. He was tending the horses in the barn like always, but something went wrong. We found out later that another worker had been smoking, and that's what caused it, the fire I mean. The barn went up in flames, and Jonathan, the wonderful man he was, was too busy rescuing he horses to get himself out. A beam engulfed in flames fell across the doorway, and then the whole thing started to come down.

"I can still remember his screams." She shuddered, the sound echoing in her mind, even four hundred years later. "I remember thinking that if dying was like that then I never wanted to die. I lost the baby a few weeks later. It was a son, just what Jonathan had hoped for.

"I poured all my energy into looking beautiful, trying to find something, anything, to distract me from the pain. Others thought I was vain, but in reality I was afraid of dying."

She looked down when she felt her dress growing wet. Rapunzel was sobbing quietly into her shoulder, her eyes opened to the older woman's harsh life. She felt her own tears begin to fall, and wiped them away. She had shed her share of tears centuries ago. She began to smooth a hand through the girl's hair, hoping to calm her.

"Mother, I had no idea. I'm so sorry!"

"Shhh, pet, it was a long time ago."

The Princess breathed deeply, trying to get her tears under control. She hoped nothing like that ever happened to Flynn. Without him she would be lost. Silence resumed, the only thing interrupting it the sound of Rapunzel's sniffles.

"Mother, after...after Jonathan, was there anyone else?"

"Do you mean was there anyone else I loved? No. Was there anyone else I had a relationship with? Yes, many men. But I didn't love anyone else for many, many years. I had begun to believe myself incapable of it until you came along."

"Were there anymore children?"

"Yes. Six boys and seven girls. Four of the boys were stillborn. One made it to two months, the other I miscarried. Five of the girls were stillborn, one was six months old, and the other I miscarried.

"I couldn't seem to bring them into the world alive, much less take care of them. It was so hard, seeing each of my children die before they had a chance at life. I was so scared when I got you. I was afraid something would happen and I would lose you, too. But you were stronger than the others.

"When you turned one I made you a large stuffed bear, do you remember? And you kept on living. I finally felt like I wasn't a complete failure."

"Oh, Mother, you're not a failure. Even though you kidnapped me, you took such good care of me. The queen doesn't even know what my favorite color is."

Gothel snorted in amusement. "You mean she can't tell? You only wear it every day."

"I know. She doesn't know anything about me."

"Now, Rapunzel, you're not being fair. If she would have raised you she would know all these things."

"I know, but...she doesn't feel like my mother. She feels like a stranger that wants to insert herself into my life."

"Well, give her a chance. I'm sure she'll learn all these things with time."

"Yeah."

She shifted so that her head was in Gothel's lap, the woman's hand stroking through her hair. They lay like that a while, unaware that they were being watched.

**AN: So, some really heavy stuff in this chapter. Sorry if it's depressing, but I felt the need to include Gothel's backstory. If something like that happened to me, I might be a bit bitter, too. Wouldn't you? Anyway, heavy stuff. But soon Flynn and the Queen will make an appearance, promise!**


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: For all of you who reviewed positively and begged me to continue, thank you! And since I've had a busy week, I decided to go ahead and do a double update. So read on, and don't forget to review!**

The Queen watched the exchange from the shadows, upset and hurt that her daughter didn't love her like she loved that witch. It wasn't fair, she had been taken from her when she was barely a week old! Of course she didn't know what she liked or disliked, but she was trying. If she had her way that woman would be executed. But she couldn't do that to her daughter, not when she had pleaded for her to live.

And she so obviously still cared about her, she couldn't crush her like that. She sighed and exited the dungeons, making sure to signal the guards and demand they check on the girl before long. She intended to have a chat with her husband to see what they could do about convincing their daughter of Gothel's wickedness. Rapunzel was reluctant to move from the comfortable position. Gothel wasn't trying to force her away, rather was continuously touching her, almost as if she were the only thing keeping her from drowning in her memories.

She felt a bit guilty for causing them both so much emotional pain, but they were questions she needed answered. Besides, she was more comfortable in the cell than she was with her parents, which was a horrible thing to say, but was true. She knew she should get up and go back to her duties, but she couldn't bring herself to do it, choosing instead to bask in the comfort that was her mother. Footsteps were what caused her to break away. The guards were coming back to check on her and it wouldn't look good for them to be in that position.

She quickly stood and moved around the small cell, acting as if she were arranging its meager possessions. The guards continued passed the cell, acting as if they were simply walking down the hall. The Princess sighed heavily and pulled a thick woolen blanket from a shelf. It was thicker, warmer, and overall better quality than what most prisoners received, but this was her mother. And she still hadn't stopped trembling from her time underground.

She turned and handed it to her, and she immediately wrapped it around her shoulders. Rapunzel smiled and went over to the door.

"I'll come back later, Mother."

"Goodbye, dear."

The oddity of the situation didn't escape them. Usually it was Gothel who came and went, but now the tables were turned. Rapunzel grinned as she headed through the palace to meet Flynn. He was supposed to teach her how to swim, a pastime she had longed for in the tower. It was a good thing her parents had pardoned him of all his crimes, otherwise she would've been sneaking out to meet him.

"Hey, blondie!" he called when she rounded the corner.

She smiled and ran to him. They met in a passionate embrace and kissed. When they pulled apart she couldn't help but blush, sometimes still unbelieving that he was her new dream.

"Woah, miss me much?" he teased as they began walking. She smacked his shoulder lightly, and grinned. "So, about this swimming thing, why do you want to learn?"

"Well, I read about it when I was little, but Mother would never let me go down to the stream to try. She said she was afraid I'd drown."

Her face crinkled as she recalled the memory.

* * *

_"But Mommy, why can't I go to the stream? You could see me from the window. Or you could come with me! Please?" _

_Big green eyes gazed up at her mother hopefully. The woman sighed, wondering how to best explain her reasoning to a four year old. _

_"Rapunzel, listen to me carefully. Water is a good thing. It helps you when you're thirsty and keeps you clean. But it's also very dangerous. You can't breathe if you fall in and sink. _

_"This is called drowning. I don't want you to go to the stream_ _because I'm afraid you'll drown. Do you understand, flower?" _

_"Yes, Mommy."_

* * *

She had thought at first, after she discovered who she really was and began to question every interaction she'd ever had with the woman, that she had been lying and had only wanted to keep her locked away. But looking back on it now and knowing what she knew, she could clearly see the love and worry in those silver pools. She really had been worried something would have happened.

"Blondie? Rapunzel? Hello?"

She heard Flynn calling and blushed, embarrassed that she had zoned out for so long.

"Sorry, just thinking."

"About what?"

"About Mother."

He fell silent, and she knew not to continue. He hated Gothel almost as much as the rest of the kingdom, if not more. She had almost killed him after all. It wasn't long before they got to the river. He paced along the banks until he found a spot that the river was moving slower than the other currents.

"Okay, it's very simple. Once you're in the water kick with your legs and use your arms to pull yourself forward." She stepped to the edge, bouncing with excitement, but that memory of Gothel explaining what drowning was still lingered. She bit her lip and stood still. "What's wrong? Go ahead, I'm here and nothing bad will happen," Flynn said in a soothing tone.

Taking a deep breath, she trusted him and jumped. Water covered her body, causing her dress to cling to her. She opened her eyes and desperately wanted to gasp. It was beautiful underwater with the way the light refracted and bent. Realizing she needed to breathe, she pushed up to the surface and took a big breath.

Grinning happily, she began to swim as Flynn showed her. He sat under a tree on the bank and cheered her on, proud of how well she was doing. They stayed out until sunset, and probably would have stayed longer if a royal guard hadn't come to fetch her. Upset at having her fun ruined, she sulkily followed him back to the palace, but not before giving Flynn a kiss goodbye. Her parents were waiting at the gate when she returned, and she was engulfed in one of her mother's hugs.

She remained stiff, the hug uncomfortable and nothing like Gothel's. She could smell her mother's perfume, jasmine, and hated it. Deep down she knew she was being unfair. Her parents were trying so hard, but all she could do was compare them to Gothel, especially her mother.

"Did you have a good day?" the queen asked as they entered the palace.

"Yes. Flynn taught me how to swim."

"I can see that," her mother laughed. "Come on, let's get you into a dry dress."

In her room, a maid helped her change into her nightgown, a warm thing that was the first she had ever worn that hadn't been made by Gothel. She was getting ready for bed when she saw the maid carrying the dress away.

"Wait, what are you doing with my dress?"

"Throwing it away, Highness. It's the Queen's orders."

"But...but that's my dress," she spluttered, unable to think of anything else.

"You'll get a new one," the woman said in what she thought was a soothing manner.

But she didn't want a new one. It was the last dress Gothel had made her. Her eyes grew wide, but she kept quiet, already forming a plan in her mind.

* * *

Late that night, she snuck out of her room and gathered the needed items. A sewing kit, fabric, and a stool. Carefully, she made her way to the dungeons. As silently as possible, she crept through the hall, the only light the glow from her hair. When she reached the cell that contained Gothel she stopped and just looked for a moment.

The older woman was asleep on her side facing the cell door, but she looked incredibly peaceful. For a moment, she almost turned and left her be, but then she remembered her dress and opened the door. It creaked, and Gothel jerked awake. Her eyes flew around the room until she recognized the glow that only came from Rapunzel. She sighed and stood, relieved that it was only her and not a guard.

"Rapunzel, what are you doing? It's late."

"I...I know, but they took my dress." Gothel looked her up and down, for the first time realizing she was in her nightgown. "The maid, she said Mom told her to throw it away."

"The purple dress? The one I made you not a month before we left the tower? The one that's your favorite? That dress?"

"Yeah. I don't want to wear the fancy palace dresses, Mom knows that. And she knew that one was my favorite. Why would she have it thrown away?"

"Perhaps she wants all traces of me gone," Gothel voiced sleepily.

She yawned and sat back down on her cot. Rapunzel rushed over and shook her shoulder, determined to make her stay awake.

"No, no, Mother. You have to stay awake, at least for a little while."

"And why do I have to do that?"

"Because...because I want you to make me a new dress!"

"Rapunzel, it is after midnight and it is pitch black in here. I will not try to make a dress in the dark."

"But I'll sing and keep my hair glowing so you can see!" the Princess pleaded desperately.

"No, Rapunzel."

"Please, Mother?"

"No."

"But Mother, no one-"

"Rapunzel! I said no and that is my final answer!"

The Princess shrank back, the sheer volume and the way the older woman's eyes glinted enough to terrify her. Gothel seemed to realize what she had done because she slumped against the wall and pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Great, now I'm the bad guy."

"I'm sorry, Mother. It was a silly idea, I shouldn't have come."

She turned to leave, trying her best not to cry. She thought she had made progress with the woman, but maybe she was wrong. Gothel lifted her head and took in the sight of the girl. She sighed, already feeling incredibly guilty for her outburst.

"No, wait, Rapunzel. How badly do you want this dress?"

The girl turned and looked at her hopefully. "Almost as badly as I wanted to see the lanterns."

"Then you had better start singing."

Shocked, the girl stumbled over with the needed items. "You're really going to make it?"

"Of course. I denied you your heart's desire once, I won't do it again."

The Princess beamed and began to sing. With a sigh, Gothel stood and began cutting out the pattern. By dawn, she was putting the final stitches in the dress. It was an exact replica of the original, and Rapunzel squealed in delight.

"Thank you sooo much, Mother!"

"You're welcome, pet. I'm sorry for yelling earlier, but you must understand, a dress is very difficult to make, and doing it in the dark is impossible."

Rapunzel blushed, fully realizing the foolishness of her request. "You did a wonderful job. Much better than I could ever hope to."

"Thank you, dear."

She yawned, her labor catching up to her. The Princess gasped and jumped up from her seat on the cot.

"I'm sorry! I didn't even think about how tired you would be! Here, let me sing to you!"

Gothel sank her fingers into the soft hair as the girl sang the song. She felt the fatigue fade and the years melt away as she sang. By the song's end she was feeling like her usual self. She sighed in pleasure.

"Thank you Rapunzel, I feel much better now."

"It was the least I could do."

She looked around for a few seconds before jumping onto the older woman. Gothel realized what she wanted and, with a smile, gave it to her.

"I love you very much, dear."

"I love you more."

"I love you most." She kissed the crown of her head as she had hundreds of times in the past before nudging her toward the cell door. "Go on, it's almost time for breakfast. We don't want to worry the king and queen, do we?"

"No."

"Well, go on then. I'll be here when you decide you want to visit."

"I'll see you later, Mother."

"Have a good day, dear."


End file.
